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Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’

Divorce Advice for Mothers

Monday, May 16th, 2011

Divorce is often a painful experience that leaves people feeling confused and hurt for a long time. Even after the papers are signed, there are still those phantom emotions that leave you wondering how things got so out of control. While the questions and the pain are a normal part of any divorce, it is important to have some reliable advice to help you get through the process. When you are a mother, you not only have to be concerned for your emotional state, but you have to help your children process their pain and grief as well. Here is some divorce advice for mothers who want to move on without suppressing their feelings.

Although it may feel like no one cares about the struggle that you’re facing, it’s important to remember that you have someone to turn to. Many women are able to turn to their families, however, in addition to your family, it may be a good idea to find a support group of mothers who are have recently gone through a divorce as well. When times are tough, and emotions are sensitive, it is important for you to realize that you are not alone, and you don’t have to feel pressure to suck it up and work through the confusion and pain all by yourself.

After a divorce, it is important to try to stay strong, but don’t feel the need to hide your emotions. While you want to do your best to avoid constantly losing it in front of your children, you don’t want to seem like a soulless robot. When you handle the situation correctly, it will leave your children feel prepared to handle heartbreak and other emotional issues in the future. Talk to your kids about what they’re feeling and about what you’re feeling. Unless there were very serious issues such as abuse or illegal activity that caused the divorce, it is a good idea to avoid badmouthing your ex. It is ok to express your disappointment, but you should not try to turn your children against their father.

Many mothers who are facing divorce find it difficult to spend time with their children because they remind them of the relationship that has ended or is in the process of ending. It is not right for a mother to avoid her children because of a divorce. It is important to remember that your children need you now more than ever, and just because things didn’t work out with your ex, it’s not your children’s fault. If you neglect your children, they will be able to sense the neglect and the resentment that you have towards them, and it will cause them to feel as if they are unwanted. Instead of avoiding your kids, do your best to go out of your way and give them special attention. You need them just as much as they need you, so keep in mind that you will have to find ways to work through the pain.

Remember that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to spend time with your kids, there are many fun things you can do without breaking the bank that will let your kids know that you haven’t forgotten about them.

A Father’s Rights Are The Same As The Mother’s During Divorce

Monday, April 4th, 2011

Everyone has heard the term “deadbeat dad” floating around at one time or another.

A label such as this one usually sticks to those fathers who choose to evade their duties by shirking on child support payments.

Why would a father opt out of financially taking care of his minor children?

There are many reasons for this scenario, namely that the male parent who is ordered to pay support does not have adequate enough means to meet the monetary obligation.

The second biggest reason, and the one that has historically given rise to the deadbeat dad descriptive phrase, is that the father in a divorce situation feels he has not been given adequate custodial time with his children – and therefore won’t feel like paying the required funds, simply choosing not to do so regardless of the court order and the consequences that come along with ignoring its contents.

But does a father truly have fewer rights during divorce?

It is true that a majority of past child custody cases have shown a definite pattern of favoring the mother in the final outcome, where the family law judge awards her a greater percentage of time with the minor children in addition to giving her the ability to be the recipient of support payments.

And because of the way that child custody has been previously been dealt with, it is hence made easy to get swept up in the view that fathers have fewer rights than their female counterparts during a divorce proceeding.

Yet in the present practice of family law, things have changed in such a way that fathers are now ensured that they can enjoy the same rights and have the same custodial opportunities as their spouses.

How is this possible?

The consideration of the divorce courts has shifted so that decisions are made based first and foremost on what is in the best interests of the minor children when it comes to such things as the child custody and visitation schedules for each of the parents.

For example, a family law judge may make the decision for whatever the reason that the father can provide a more stable home for the minor children than the mother can, in which case the judge will not think twice about giving the father primary physical custody where the children will spend a big majority of their time residing with him. And, it is a detail such as this one that rules out the idea that fathers still have limited rights when it comes to a divorce case.

Also, there are many situations where the mother is assigned responsibility for child support and spousal support payments to the father.

And because it is the judge of the court who has made the order for the mother to pay the father a sum for child support, spousal support, or both, this scenario further confirms that the party required to make payments is not decided by gender, but instead by the financial circumstances of each parent.

Finally, there are those times when a divorce involving minor children does not also include an order for one spouse to provide monetary support to the other spouse.

What type of situation would open the way for each of the spouses to remain self-sufficient?

When each spouse spends exactly 50% of the time with the minor children and each party also brings in the same dollar amount of monthly income, a judge will not find any reason to order child support or spousal support payments to be made from one parent to the other.

As is evident from the above examples, a father does indeed have rights when it comes to his divorce, rights that just happen to be equal to the mother’s through the eyes of the family law court.