Make a List

The first step for anyone seeking a quality divorce attorney is determining exactly what you want the lawyer to do for you. It is often a common mistake to go into the process with the idea that your attorney will simply handle the case, however in order to obtain the best results, it’s important to be clear about what it is you’re looking for. The following is a list of questions to consider posing before moving forward in your search.

1. How much involvement do you want?
2. Are your priorities more along the lines of protecting your financial interests or with that of your children?
3. Are options such as arbitration or mediation options you’d consider pursuing?
4. If you have children, would you consider joint custody?
5. Is the divorce a friendly matter, or one which may become more of a battle?
6. Are you considering relocation after the divorce?
7. Is the cost associated with hiring an attorney an issue?

One of the hardest aspects of this process is narrowing the field of candidates down to a number from which you can make a selection. As there is a wide assortment of practices and lawyers fighting for your business, it can be difficult to sort through the clutter. Consider the following:

Look Into a Referral Service: Lawyers all belong to a state Bar Association chapter, which is a subsidiary of the American Bar Association. By visiting the ABA website you can locate your states referral service. This option is free, and often one of the best ways to narrow your options.

Internet: Take a look through a few of the many lawyer search services online. Many are sorted by location and specialty.

Friends and Family: Sometimes the best approach is simply asking family and friends for referrals. Someone else’s experience is a great way to gain an idea of how an attorney performs. Once you have a few potential candidates you can try calling their practices to schedule a consultation.

While divorce can quite a rough period for anyone, there’s no reason to make it more complex than it already is. Trust in your gut, and make the decision that feels right to you.

These lawyers will help with you get the best possible result of these divorce mess and the best thing about having a lawyer is that both parties involved will not have a direct communication with one another. Divorce proceedings are very complex and not hiring a lawyer will further make this settlement more devastating even if you have come up with an agreement with you former spouse or partner.

It is very important that all terms of agreement are valid and legal binding that only lawyer can have power to do so. How to find good divorce attorneys? It is actually very easy to find good ones because nowadays divorce lawyers are commonly needed. A member of your family or a friend may sadly have undergone divorce process and can give you ideas and knowledge of good divorce lawyers.

These people can also give you referrals and recommendations. You can also find online directories for law firms that specialize on divorce proceedings and start from there.

It is very significant that you will be represented by a good lawyer from the start until the end of these devastating part of your lives.

Let’s throw that nuclear family model out the window and create a new model that fits your step family. Here are the guidelines we suggest monitoring to decide how your family is doing…

1. Being civil – If members can be civil with one another on a regular basis rather than ignoring, purposely trying to hurt, or complete withdrawal you’re on track.

2. Solid marriage – Without the marriage, there is no family. It’s harder to take care of the marriage because in a step family, marriage equals instant family. You don’t have time for just couple time like most first marriages do. You’ll have to grow and mature into the marriage while parenting.

3. Compassion for where everyone is at – Members of your family will be at various life stages and have different needs (teens versus toddlers). They will also be at different stages in accepting this new family. Family members need to honor those differences among each other.

4. All relationships are respectful – Not everyone has to like each other but they do need to treat one another with respect. This is NOT just referring to the kids’ behavior toward the adults. Respect should be given not just based on age, but based on the fact that you are all family members now.

A final thought about those differences between step families and nuclear familes is that your definition for success will vary based on the developmental stage of the family itself. For example, if the step family is only 3 months old you may feel like you’re family is successful when your 13 year old daughter chooses to come out of her room and watch TV with the rest of the family. Then, when she goes to bed, her step dad tells her that it was nice to have her there. You’re not going to expect close, loving relationships where everyone wants to spend time together this early in the family’s development.

After a few years, hopefully the family will grow and members will choose to spend more time together and feel closer to one another, but this is never guaranteed. I encourage you to look at your step family differently. Notice the small gestures that the members make. Your family may not be “perfect” in your eyes, but be grateful for the steps it’s taking toward success everyday.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child. Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly. This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations. These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered. Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team. Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms. If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

1. What is the best way to support my child during divorce and custody proceedings? This question has as many answers as there are custody situations. No custody case is the same, and different people will need different help. The basic help that a grandparent can provide is emotional support. A grandparent can listen to their children, and the grandchildren, without judgement. They can also offer feedback to the parent when requested. Some parents may need more help with the children during this time, and grandparents can step in and help babysit. They can also provide financial help if the resources are available to them. If a grandparent really wants to know, they can simply ask their child what the child wants them to do.

2. Do grandparents have legal visitation rights to the grandchildren? This varied according to the state where you live, but generally a grandparent doesn’t have legal visitation. This changes if the grandparents have been awarded custody, or there are extenuating circumstances in the court. However, the best way for most grandparents to continue seeing their grandchildren is to maintain a relationship with the parents. Grandparents can plan on their child having some visitation time, and they can see the granchildren then. If it’s appropriate, grandparents can continue a relationship with the other parent and offer to babysit or watch the children to see them more.

3. How does a grandparent talk about the divorce and custody issues with the grandchildren? This is a hard question for some grandparents, and it depends on the children. Grandparents should leave most of the explaining to the parents, and offer only neutral comments if the children ask. Grandparents should not speak negatively of either parent in the presence of the children. If a child has questions, the grandparent should give a short explanation and inform the parent about it. Grandparents can listen to their grandchildren and ask them questions to find out how they’re handling things. The important thing is for the children to feel loved and supported.

4. Can grandparents get legal custody of the grandchildren? Grandparents can get custody of the children if neither parent is considered capable by the courts. In order for this to happen, the grandparent must have a history of taking care of the children in the parent’s absence. Courts prefer to grant parental custody, but if the grandparent can make a compelling case based on history and other circumstances that the child will do best with them, the courts can give them custody.

5. What is guardianship and how does it differ from custody? Many grandparents seek guardianship rather than custody because it is easier. Guardianship means that the grandparents can make legal decisions for their grandchildren and can fulfill many parental roles. This can happen if a parent and grandchildren move in with the grandparents. Both will have responsibility of the children.

The following divorce advice may help you know what to expect when you take your case to divorce court:

Remember that a divorce trial is public. Be on time and try to behave with dignity. Resist the temptation to get angry and emotional.

Be honest with your lawyer and with the court. Knowing that you are acting with full integrity will give you confidence when making your appeals
Work with your lawyer as a team to create a winning strategy.

Join a support group. Doing this will help you to work out the emotional stuff outside of the courtroom and outside of your lawyer’s consultation time.
Dress conservatively. Keep your appearance well-groomed, simple and light. Avoid extravagance.

Speak clearly and audibly. If your words cannot be heard by everyone in the courtroom, you may be asked to repeat what you said.

Coping with divorce is often more difficult for those who need to have a trial. If there is still a possibility for mediation, do your best to work with your spouse and with both of your attorneys. At best, the professionals that you and your spouse hired are trying to offer their best divorce help to all concerned.

When applying for a divorce, you may face difficulties understanding laws and the paperwork that is involved with it. However with divorce mediation, all the paperwork is done by your mediator. The trauma the children face in a divorce is less with divorce mediation as they know that the parents are working together, and will not involve them.

With a divorce mediation, your marriage ends on a happier tone, where you can face your future with a better attitude. There is no steadfast rule that you have to give up going to the court with divorce mediation. If you are not satisfied with the rulings of the mediator, you can always have an individual attorney and let the judge give the final judgment. Whatever was discussed in mediation will remain a secret, and the divorce proceedings start afresh.

You can avail of sufficient legal information from the divorce mediator on making fair and just decisions. Attorneys are not permitted to advise either party; only their client. However the mediator can discuss how the court may address issues relating to your case. The mediator also encourages you both to approach individual attorneys for legal advice before agreeing to the Marital Settlement Agreement.

With a divorce, there is always the possibility of anger getting out of control in the courtroom. However, with a divorce mediator, you can voice your emotions and with their help, come across a fair decision. There is no chance of your emotions controlling the decision making process. You can be sure that all information exchanged in divorce mediation is and remains confidential. You are both encouraged to see the positive sides in each other to reach an amicable agreement. This helps in retaining goodwill in matters needing future contact between the two like in parenting.

When choosing a divorce mediator, make sure that they are knowledgeable in family law and counseling, child development and meditation process. With a mediator, a team of mental health professionals and attorneys your divorce mediation runs better. Find out their experience as those with an experience of at least ten cases is the better choice. To find out the benefit of divorce mediation, listing out the pros and cons of your divorce proceedings will show you that the divorce mediation is indeed a better choice for you.

Here are some basic characteristics to keep in mind when hiring a lawyer.

1. Is he or she well known and liked in the community? Someone that is well known in the community has deeper roots and is less likely to do something to jeopardize their community standing.
2. Do they hate to loose. Someone that hates to loose is less likely to sell you out. Someone that hates to loose makes winning a personal issue and are more likely to fight to the bitter end to win. And, threat is what you want someone that will fight for you, your rights, and your cause.
3. Are they qualified to represent you in this case. Baring some special reason you would not hire a corporate lawyer to represent you for a divorce case. By the same token you wouldn’t hire a lawyer that was only recently a real estate lawyer and now changed to criminal defense to represent you either. You want, need, good solid experienced representation.
4. Are they from the local community? Having grown up in the surrounding community they are more likely to know the right people to help in your case. Don’t discount out of town lawyers. Just realize that in general a local native will probably have more to offer along the line of connections.
5. Are they going through a divorce, bankruptcy, or some other negative life altering stage? This is a bit controversial. But reality is that when we are going through negative life altering experiences like a divorce, bankruptcy or death of a close family member, we are not as focused as we should be. Remember your lawyer has, if not your life then, you future in their hands. If you ask you may be told that it is none of your business. But, in reality it is.

When you are interviewing someone to represent you these are some of the questions you will wan to ask them. Looking at these characteristics will enable you to gage, in a general fashion a lawyers ability to properly represent you. Just ask the questions. With the answers you will get a good feel for how well you can trust them to do what they are supposed to.

It is going to be difficult, but let your spouse know that at the time, you impulsively wanted a divorce. And now you realize that you were wrong. Bringing up the “D” word may have taken your spouse by surprise, but it may have also prompted your spouse to think it may be a good idea. If you really want to know “how to stop my divorce now,” you need to at this point be sure your spouse stops thinking that divorce is a good idea. You can do this by admitting you made a mistake, that you were wrong, and that you’re sorry.

Your spouse may be wondering why the change of heart, why the 180 degree turnaround? Do your best at explaining in your sincerest and heartfelt way that you truly realize that divorce is not what you want, and that your marriage is worth saving. Listen to what your spouse has to say. This is important. You will find your own words to say, and remember to be calm, sincere, and genuine.

Divorce and a breakup of a relationship is never an easy thing, and the discussions around it can get very emotional. Avoid the hysteria of the blame game or accusations or other topics that will get your spouse to think that they should go through with the divorce. Remember, in your mind you need to take the steps on “how to stop my divorce.” And a heated and negative discussion will not help you. Let go of any anger and resentment that caused you to suggest a divorce in the first place.

Are you willing to work on your problems? There must have been a few for you to even suggest a divorce. Come to an agreement with your spouse that you both need to change certain things in order for the marriage to workout. Maybe even getting some expert help from a marriage counselor will be a good agreeable start.