Many grandparents hear that their child is getting a divorce and they have a lot of questions about how to help and if they’ll get to keep seeing their grandchildren. Some grandparents even find it necessary to get involved in the proceedings and seek custody. Here are some questions that grandparents frequently ask, and their answers.

1. What is the best way to support my child during divorce and custody proceedings? This question has as many answers as there are custody situations. No custody case is the same, and different people will need different help. The basic help that a grandparent can provide is emotional support. A grandparent can listen to their children, and the grandchildren, without judgement. They can also offer feedback to the parent when requested. Some parents may need more help with the children during this time, and grandparents can step in and help babysit. They can also provide financial help if the resources are available to them. If a grandparent really wants to know, they can simply ask their child what the child wants them to do.

2. Do grandparents have legal visitation rights to the grandchildren? This varied according to the state where you live, but generally a grandparent doesn’t have legal visitation. This changes if the grandparents have been awarded custody, or there are extenuating circumstances in the court. However, the best way for most grandparents to continue seeing their grandchildren is to maintain a relationship with the parents. Grandparents can plan on their child having some visitation time, and they can see the granchildren then. If it’s appropriate, grandparents can continue a relationship with the other parent and offer to babysit or watch the children to see them more.

3. How does a grandparent talk about the divorce and custody issues with the grandchildren? This is a hard question for some grandparents, and it depends on the children. Grandparents should leave most of the explaining to the parents, and offer only neutral comments if the children ask. Grandparents should not speak negatively of either parent in the presence of the children. If a child has questions, the grandparent should give a short explanation and inform the parent about it. Grandparents can listen to their grandchildren and ask them questions to find out how they’re handling things. The important thing is for the children to feel loved and supported.

4. Can grandparents get legal custody of the grandchildren? Grandparents can get custody of the children if neither parent is considered capable by the courts. In order for this to happen, the grandparent must have a history of taking care of the children in the parent’s absence. Courts prefer to grant parental custody, but if the grandparent can make a compelling case based on history and other circumstances that the child will do best with them, the courts can give them custody.

5. What is guardianship and how does it differ from custody? Many grandparents seek guardianship rather than custody because it is easier. Guardianship means that the grandparents can make legal decisions for their grandchildren and can fulfill many parental roles. This can happen if a parent and grandchildren move in with the grandparents. Both will have responsibility of the children.

If you decide to have a trial, you must first fully realize that it is unlikely to be an easy divorce. Additionally, with lawyer’s fees on the rise, say goodbye to the idea of having a low cost divorce and to thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Be prepared to postpone your life after divorce for another year, and possibly longer. In some states, judges have been known to take more than a year to even assign a court date.

The following divorce advice may help you know what to expect when you take your case to divorce court:

Remember that a divorce trial is public. Be on time and try to behave with dignity. Resist the temptation to get angry and emotional.

Be honest with your lawyer and with the court. Knowing that you are acting with full integrity will give you confidence when making your appeals
Work with your lawyer as a team to create a winning strategy.

Join a support group. Doing this will help you to work out the emotional stuff outside of the courtroom and outside of your lawyer’s consultation time.
Dress conservatively. Keep your appearance well-groomed, simple and light. Avoid extravagance.

Speak clearly and audibly. If your words cannot be heard by everyone in the courtroom, you may be asked to repeat what you said.

Coping with divorce is often more difficult for those who need to have a trial. If there is still a possibility for mediation, do your best to work with your spouse and with both of your attorneys. At best, the professionals that you and your spouse hired are trying to offer their best divorce help to all concerned.