Parents, children and divorce:

Decisions must be laid out on the table and discussed thoroughly between parents. Because cases involving children and divorce do not only involve two people, certain rules must be applied to avoid confusion, misunderstanding and conflict between parents and the child.

When child custody is involved, the U.S. standard focuses on the best interests of the child. Both parents may agree to share their children through visitation rights, but this is not always the case. If either one of you is filing custody or already has custody over your child, know that the main intension is to give your child the best environment to grow in and develop healthy relationships. Children are easily confused when it comes to legal matters, so whenever decisions are made, it is best to stick to them accordingly.

Dealing with your child and divorce:

As with any sudden change in life, children could have a difficult time dealing with the transitional phase of having to see their own parents split up. For those who are concerned over their child and divorce, here are some ways to ease the difficulty:

- Be firm with your decision. Clarify that divorce is a mutual decision made between you and your spouse.
- Be honest. Explain, in simple words, the reasons for the split-up, what will happen next, and so on.
- Tell your child the divorce is not his or her fault.
- Assure your child that he or she will have continuous love and support.
- Spend time with your child any way you can.
- Try to have a normal life. Although you love your child, don’t be too consumed spending almost all your time with him or her. Instead, find time for yourself. Your child needs to grow and spend time with his or her own friends too.
- Love your child and set limitations like you did before without trying to act differently.
- Don’t place your child in the middle. Remember, the divorce was decided between you and the other parent. Using a child for revenge or to make the other parent look bad can cause long-term or permanent damage to the child.
- Let your child know that disagreements can come to a compromise, and that patience is something everyone can work on together.

Remember that your child is the main concern no matter what problems may arise between you and the other parent. Take your child’s concerns into consideration and cooperate with the other parent when it comes to caring for the child.

The emotional impacts of divorce may be more widely understood, but it’s worth outlining their probable forms. Although each divorce is unique, councillors and psychologists have generally identified the following emotional impacts as being common.

- Guilt. Children can often be concerned that a divorce has been partly or completely caused by them. It is common for children to feel some level of guilt, even if they understand that the divorce was not entirely motivated by their behavior they frequently accept some level of responsibility without cause.

- Responsible. Just as with the guilt aspect, children are likely to feel responsible in other ways. They may feel an obligation to care for their parents, and feel it is their responsibility to re-unite them by whatever means are available to them.

- Love loss. As a consequence of the breakdown of the family environment and parental routines, children may feel a strong sense of loss, particularly loss of love from the parent who is leaving.

- Contradictory. Children may feel contradictory about their circumstances. A child may feel relieved to be away from one parent, particularly if some form of abuse was a factor in the divorce. However, they may still feel a duty to protect and help their absent parent.

Physical impacts are more difficult to identify and quantify as they typically spring from the emotional turmoil of divorce.

- Loss of sleep. Due to anxiety, or physical circumstances which interrupt the child’s usual sleep routine.

- Injury. At the extreme end of the spectrum, a child may become obstinate and aggressive in their home and school life. They may feel angry with parents and the world for the confusing course of events which have caused their situation.