1. What is the best way to support my child during divorce and custody proceedings? This question has as many answers as there are custody situations. No custody case is the same, and different people will need different help. The basic help that a grandparent can provide is emotional support. A grandparent can listen to their children, and the grandchildren, without judgement. They can also offer feedback to the parent when requested. Some parents may need more help with the children during this time, and grandparents can step in and help babysit. They can also provide financial help if the resources are available to them. If a grandparent really wants to know, they can simply ask their child what the child wants them to do.

2. Do grandparents have legal visitation rights to the grandchildren? This varied according to the state where you live, but generally a grandparent doesn’t have legal visitation. This changes if the grandparents have been awarded custody, or there are extenuating circumstances in the court. However, the best way for most grandparents to continue seeing their grandchildren is to maintain a relationship with the parents. Grandparents can plan on their child having some visitation time, and they can see the granchildren then. If it’s appropriate, grandparents can continue a relationship with the other parent and offer to babysit or watch the children to see them more.

3. How does a grandparent talk about the divorce and custody issues with the grandchildren? This is a hard question for some grandparents, and it depends on the children. Grandparents should leave most of the explaining to the parents, and offer only neutral comments if the children ask. Grandparents should not speak negatively of either parent in the presence of the children. If a child has questions, the grandparent should give a short explanation and inform the parent about it. Grandparents can listen to their grandchildren and ask them questions to find out how they’re handling things. The important thing is for the children to feel loved and supported.

4. Can grandparents get legal custody of the grandchildren? Grandparents can get custody of the children if neither parent is considered capable by the courts. In order for this to happen, the grandparent must have a history of taking care of the children in the parent’s absence. Courts prefer to grant parental custody, but if the grandparent can make a compelling case based on history and other circumstances that the child will do best with them, the courts can give them custody.

5. What is guardianship and how does it differ from custody? Many grandparents seek guardianship rather than custody because it is easier. Guardianship means that the grandparents can make legal decisions for their grandchildren and can fulfill many parental roles. This can happen if a parent and grandchildren move in with the grandparents. Both will have responsibility of the children.

In child custody disputes, both mums and dads will fight to get custody of the children, and the parent that proves them self the most worthy, will get favor by the court if they feel the best interests lie with that parent. The best possible option parents can consider concerning child custody after divorce is educating them selves as much as possible on child custody, and there are expert guides available to do so. The court will take a lot of factors into consideration when awarding ‘physical custody’ and ‘legal custody’. Some examples of these are the parents’ careers, lifestyles, their financial strength, family stability, and new relationship after the divorce if any. Disputes over child Custody after divorce cases can take a while to solve, and parents can resort to mud slinging, with all sorts of tactics to gain favor with the court.

During child custody after divorce disputes, both parents will have a lawyer present, and a lot of information will be gathered on the parent’s circumstances from the paying of child support, the well being of children, and legal and physical custody arrangements between the parents. A lot of trauma can be avoided early on by seeking expert custody advice and education, and even legal costs can be reduced to save you a small fortune. Our expert psychologists at our Custody Advice Center offer you complete solutions that you can download in minutes. Read detailed information on child custody after divorce, real scenarios and advice, and everything you ever need to know about child custody online.

Legal custody is the ability to make decisions for the child. This includes everything from choosing the school they attend to the authority to cut their hair. Again, in most cases, joint legal custody is granted and both parents have the ability to make decisions. This means that if they disagree on issues like what religion the child will be raised in, they must go to court to settle it. In a limited number of cases, the Judge will decide that one party should have sole legal custody. Usually in these cases, there has been so much disharmony between the parents that it is in the children’s best interest to have just one parent making decisions for the children. In other cases, one parent has made bizarre decisions and the best route is for the other parent to have all the decision making power.

The next type of custody order involves visitation. Unsupervised visitation is the standard route and generally includes overnight visits if appropriate. In the vast majority of cases, unsupervised visitation is ordered. There has to be a specific reason for the courts to order anything other than unsupervised visitation. In cases where there are allegations or proof of abuse (sexual, physical, or emotional), supervised visitation may be ordered. Supervised visitation requires that a monitor be present during the entire visit. Sometimes a relative or friend of the non-custodial parent qualifies as a monitor.

Then there are cases where no visitation is allowed because the court determines that any contact with the party would be harmful to the child. The court assumes that a generous amount of time spent with both parents will minimize the impact of the effects of divorce on children. The various types of deviation from the general assumption allows for custody orders to take into account that this assumption is not always correct. Child custody and visitation decisions are never easy for a Judge to make. But, when a family is being torn apart, the court has to make the decisions it feels are in the best interests of the children.

Issues regarding who is granted custody and contact of a child are the most pressing when they are involved in a divorce proceeding, annulment or other legal process. In cases such as this a decision needs to be made regarding who the child will have their main point of residence with and what type of custody is granted. These decisions can often involve a lengthy court battle but however the decision is made it will only be made with the best interests of the child in mind.

There are two main types of custody when it comes to child custody involved in divorce; these are exclusive and joint custody. Both of these are pretty much self explanatory. In exclusive custody a court will award the custody of a child to one parent. It is this parent that the child will reside with and have the most contact with. In cases of exclusive custody that parent that it is granted to is the one that makes most of the decisions involving the child. The parent who isn’t granted exclusive custody may receive supervision rights or in certain cases, supervised visitation rights.

In cases of joint custody both of the child’s parents will be granted equal rights when it comes to the decision making regarding a child’s upbringing. Courts award joint custody for cases in which both parents can properly perform their duties as parents. There are cases however when joint custody has been awarded, where one parent will try and sue for exclusive custody. Even though this is within your rights, it will only be considered if you can prove that this is in your child’s interest. The courts will only make their decision of custody based on what is best for the child.

When deciding on what is best for a child, aspects such as the wishes of the parents, the wishes of the child and the child’s relationship with each of their parents as well as their siblings are taken into account. Also aspects such as the child’s comforts in their home, school and community as well their mental and physical health is taken into account when it comes to deciding what custody should be awarded.

The rights and responsibilities of each parent to their minor children includes decisions regarding the raising and general welfare of the children on issues such as the children’s education, medial care, dental care, and religion. Such rights and responsibilities are commonly referred to as legal custody of the children.

The residency or placement of children refer to where the children will live and spend majority of his/her time. Often times a child will live with one parent more than the other parent and the parent that the child lives with the most will typically be responsible for the day-to-day care of the child. In some cases, the child will live equally with both parents, close to equally with both parents, or live a significant amount of time with each parent and the parents will share in the responsibilities and day-to-day care of the child. The residency or placement of child and day-to-day care of the child are commonly referred to as physical custody of the children.

Relationship and/or amount of contact the children have with each parent. In the case where the child resides or lives primarily with one parent, the time spent with the other parent is often referred to as visitation. The parent that the child lives with more is often referred to as the custodial parent and the parent with visitation is referred to as the noncustodial parent. In such cases, the noncustodial parent will typically have a visitation schedule that describes his/her contact with the children. The visitation schedule is sometimes referred to as a parenting arrangement.

When divorced parents are unable to agree on the rights and responsibilities of the parents and their minor children, the residency or placement of the children, and the relationship and/or amount of contact the children have with each parent, the family courts are often left with the difficult task of determining the best custodial arrangement of the children and parenting plan for the parents. The more parents understand what is involved in child custody determinations the more informed they will be in making decisions regarding their children after a divorce.

Children absorb a great deal. They draw conclusions from half-heard conversations that they don’t understand, and they frequently feel that somehow they have caused their parents to split up.  As parents, perfectly naturally, say things like “you are driving me to the end of my tether”, when one parent actually does leave the child may think that they have driven the parent to it.  It is up to you to make sure that your child understands that they are not at fault, that this was a decision made by two responsible adults and that your principal concern is that your children are happy and well. 2.  Give an overview

Don’t go into too much detail about the reasons behind the break-up.  Children will seize on aspects of the rationale and will try and “fix it”, when ultimately they can’t, which can make them feel as if they have failed.  Reiterate that it was a decision that you reached as a couple, not as parents, and that as a parent your children are still the most important part of your life. 3.  Don’t pass on responsibility

Many people think they are respecting children’s views but are really overloading them with the responsibility of choice.   It is important to consult your children (depending on age) on where they would like to live, and other practical issues, but don’t give them too many choices.  It can make children feel panicky, and as if they are in charge and have to make the “right” decision.  They worry that if they choose “wrongly” then somehow, again, the situation will all be their fault. 4.  Be Mr Reliable

In the initial stage of the separation it is essential that the children feel they can rely on you.  Always be punctual, create a set routine for as much as you can and stick to it.  In that way, out of chaos will come order and they will begin to relax slightly and feel that they can trust you and that not everything has changed.  You are still Dad, still in charge and still reliable.  When everything else in their life has entered a state of flux, it is very important that there are certain constants, and you have to be one of those constants. 5.  Talk it through

Your child may find avoid mentioning their mother to you, as they may feel guilty even spending time with her.  Try not to criticize the other parent to them, ask them leading questions, or find out what the other parent is doing.  Your relationship with their other parent is your issue, but to your child both parents are essential and valuable.  Keeping communication channels open is vital in this situation and if your children start to feel interrogated or defensive they will clam up. Consider offering them counselling, therapy or family therapy.   It doesn’t have to be a huge commitment, but just a few sessions of a neutral environment in which they can express their concerns, or show emotions like anger that they may have difficulty in demonstrating to you in case it upsets you, will be mentally beneficial for them. 6.  Inform others

Let the school know, in a very low key way, what the situation is so that your child’s teachers are aware and can keep an eye out for any behaviour changes.  Some children can regress after a separation (partly as a psychological response – “no-one can leave me because I am still a baby”) and anxiety bed-wetting, refusal to eat, more whiney or demanding behaviour or aggression are common.  Don’t panic that you have scarred the child for life, just keep calm, consistent and reassuring and the child will gradually return to normal. 7.  Let them talk

Don’t feel threatened if your child develops a bond with another adult outside the home, maybe a more distant relative or family friend.  Children need an adult’s input to understand what is going on, but may find it too emotionally charged to talk to you, so give them the space to talk to someone neutral.

8.  Enjoy their childhood

Try and avoid saying things like “you’ve got to help look after daddy now” or ask older siblings to play a much bigger part in the care of younger ones.  They are entitled to their childhoods, and most importantly they need to feel total faith in their father, that you are the parent, you are in charge and that they can rely on you.  Even children who are usually keen to demonstrate how “grown-up” they are can feel incredibly threatened and vulnerable by a separation, so don’t hurry them into maturity because of the situation.

Concentrate on the positives.
Although it may be impossible to see at first, there are some positives for single parents. The main one being less fighting, bickering and tension around the house. This will benefit your child in the long run as it becomes a more child friendly environment. Try to see your situation as a new found freedom and feeling of independence.

Develop a new relationship with your child.
A child must obviously be comforted at such a time, but also made to see that you are the boss. Do not let your child think that because there is now only one parent around, they can do whatever they please. Children need rules and routine, regardless of how many parents are around.

Ask for help if you need it.
Suddenly single parents will probably find that their workload doubles or triples at first. If your children are old enough, be sure to set them some chores around the house each day to take the pressure off yourself a little. Speak to other parents as much as you can. You will be surprised how often they will be happy to help out. It may just be taking your child to the movies or to a sports game on a Saturday morning, but every little bit helps. Above all, don’t feel as though you have to do absolutely everything on your own.

Do not use your children for emotional support
Children need to have fun, play with their friends and enjoy their youth. Do not become overly possessive of your child or look to them for emotional support. This quite often leads to the child feeling as overwhelmed as you are. Although you may not be ready for another romantic relationship, try to talk to other adults about your emotions.

Kids react best to routine.
In order to create a stable household envirnonment with children, their must be rules and routine. Simple things like having dinner at the same time each night, bed time, homework time etc… If you can provide a schedule for them, they will feel a sense of security. Of course, the correct dosage of attention and affection will also provide and sustain a nuturing environment, but a combination of the two will always work best.

Don’t forget about you.
For single parents with a house full of kids and only one parent to do all the work and all the worrying, it may be easy to forget about ones self. It is crutial to the well-being of your children, that you stay healthy. If you feel run down, ask another parent or relative to mind the kids for a night or two. Try to remember the things you enjoy doing and dedicate a little bit of your time to do these things. The way a parent feels is quite often reflected in a child. If you are stressed out all the time, then this may directly or indirectly affect your child. So, try to stay calm around the kids when you can. Take a deep breath, or wait until the kids are out of the car before you start screaming!
Try to remember that it is all about quality not quantity. There are many two parnet households out their that are doing a much worse job than yourself. Just beacause a parent finds themsleves on their own, doesn’t mean that things won’t work out. Remember, not just anyone can run a house, raise kids and do a thousand other things all at once. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while. You have a lot to be proud of. Best of luck to you!