Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child. Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly. This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations. These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered. Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team. Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms. If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

The biggest advantage to hiring a divorce attorney to handle your divorce is the expertise that he/she has in this field. Divorce attorneys have specialized expertise in the field of family law, which is completely different than other types of law with specialized courts to hear these types of cases. They can advise and educate you on the ins and outs of family law, how it will impact you and the best course of action in your particular situation. They can easily and quickly draft all of the necessary paperwork involved in filing for divorce. If there are children from the marriage, it is even more important to use a divorce attorney, as there are even more requirements and paperwork that comes with custody issues.

Another advantage to using an attorney to handle your divorce is their objectivity and lack of emotional attachment to the situation. Your divorce attorney will certainly care about you and look out for your best interests, but they will not have that emotional aspect that is ever-present between divorcing couples. Again, when children are involved, the emotions are even higher and raw, so having someone who is objective can help make sure that your and your children’s best interests are being served. It is also good to have someone to help you understand the process and how it works and keeps you grounded during the process.

Efficiency is yet another reason to hire a divorce attorney. Using an attorney to handle your divorce will make the process run a lot more smoothly and be completed more quickly. This is for many reasons. First, and as mentioned above, your attorney’s expertise will ensure that the paperwork is done properly the first time. Plus your attorney will know exactly which courthouse is the proper one for the filing of your divorce papers and how to work it through the system. Being in this specialized field, your attorney will also be very familiar with the family court judges and other family law attorneys who may be representing your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.

That familiarity breeds a more cooperating working relationship, which helps move the process along as well. Furthermore, if you were handling the matter without a divorce attorney, there is a higher probability that emotions would get in the way and end up impeding the process and making it drag on much longer as each and every issue, big and small, becomes an emotional struggle and battle. Since you will have an objective person handling the matter for you instead, this will not become an issue.

Hiring a divorce attorney to handle your divorce is truly the wisest decision to make in what is one of the most difficult and emotional journey in one’s life. You can be very hands-on to help eliminate some of the cost, but if you strive to make your divorce as amicable as possible, you will also be helping keep your attorney’s fees down. Putting your trust in a divorce attorney and hiring one to handle your divorce will be the first decision, and the best one, you will make in a long line of choices that will follow once you have decided that you will be seeking a divorce.